Helpless
by Marauder Mistress
Summary: 'SHE KILLED SIRIUS' he bellowed. 'SHE KILLED HIM I'LL KILL HER' And I couldn't argue with his logic. It seemed so right. In fact, I wanted nothing more than to help.


'DUBBLEDORE!' a voice shouted. I spared a quick glance toward the sound and saw Neville, with blood running down his face, and Harry, both watching the Headmaster with awe. I couldn't blame them. At that moment I didn't blame Voldemort for fearing him.

I sent a stunner into the chest of the Death Eater I was duelling. He toppled to the ground, a shocked look on his face. The rest of the Order quickly subdued their opponents, and to be honest, the Death Eaters didn't put up much of a fight. With Dumbledore here, they knew it was over.

Only Sirius and Bellatrix were still fighting. I smiled grimly. Typical. Of course, Sirius who had been cooped up in Grimmauld Place for so long was going to milk his freedom for all it was worth. Even if it did mean toying with his awful cousin.

I watched as Sirius ducked a curse. 'Come on, you can do better than that!' he yelled. It was so very typically Sirius. He even laughed as he said it and I smiled with him.

The second jet of light hit him squarely on the chest.

'No,' I whispered, my smile sliding off my face.

The laughter was still there, etched on his face, but his eyes were wide with shock. They met mine. In that moment, I could see he was scared, see he wasn't ready to die, but he knew as well as I did that he was going to. And there wasn't a thing that either of us could do about it. I had never felt so helpless.

He fell backward, his body curved in a way that was almost graceful as he passed through the veil and as it did, I got one last glimpse into his dimming eyes. Realisation. Realisation that he was going to die, realisation that Bellatrix had been the one to do it, realisation that he wouldn't be there for Harry anymore, but that he would see James again. I envied him for the last.

Bellatrix shrieked with triumphant laughter and at that moment, it truly sunk in. I was alone. The last Marauder. Sirius, my oldest and best friend, was gone. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach.

'SIRIUS!' a new voice yelled. For a stunned moment, and only because my thoughts had been with him a moment before, I thought it was James. 'SIRIUS!' It was not James of course, but Harry.

He sprinted out toward the dais and I could see it on his face; he was going to go through that curtain and drag his Godfather out or die trying. Thankfully, he was so focused on his destination that he didn't see me lunge for him, didn't have time to react before my arms were around his chest, holding him back.

'There's nothing you can do, Harry-' I managed to choke out.

'Get him, save him, he's only just gone through!' he shouted, pulling at my arms.

'-It's too late, Harry.'

'We can still reach him-' Harry fought me with everything he had, but somehow, I held on. I refused to lose Harry too. James would kill me for it. _Sirius_ would kill me for it.

'He hasn't gone!' Harry yelled, struggling desperately toward the veil. 'SIRIUS! SIRIUS!' Despite everything, I couldn't help but think he had inherited Lily's lungs; we'd always said he was more like her on the inside. I just never realised it was so literal.

'He can't come back, Harry,' I said. My voice broke. It was silent but for us, and that made it all the worse. 'He can't come back because he's d-'

'HE – IS – NOT – DEAD!' Harry roared, almost deafening me. And I wanted so badly to believe him. Perhaps, if I was anyone but me, I would have, because his voice was so full of desperate conviction. 'SIRIUS!' Harry shouted, and then he stopped fighting me.

I dragged him away from the dais, still not trusting him not to break free and dive through the veil after Sirius. Hell, I didn't trust myself not to.

'Harry? Harry... I'b really sorry...' said Neville. He was watching the dulling which had restarted, though like Harry and I, he didn't much seem like he cared to join it. 'Was dad man – was Sirius Black a – a friend of yours?'

Harry nodded, utterly defeated. 'Here,' I managed to say to Neville, whose legs were doing an obscene dance. Sirius would have found it funny. 'Finite.' I took another look at Harry, Harry, who like me, had lost everything tonight, probably more. Sirius had been what James had never had the real chance to be; a father figure. I couldn't do it anymore. Another second in this room and I would lose it. I could feel it, the grief, building in my chest, threatening to consume me. 'Let's – Let's find the others. Where are they, Neville?' I turned away from the archway as I spoke, unable to look at it anymore.

Harry's expression flickered at the mention of the others. As I had hoped, concern for them distracted him and for the first time, he pulled his dull gaze from the veil to look at Neville.

'Dey're all back dere,' Neville said. 'A brain addacked Ron bud I dink he's all righd – and Hermbioe's unconscious bud we could feel a bulse-'

There was a loud bang and a yell from above us. My head whipped around and I saw Kingsley hit the ground, his face contorted in pain. Bellatrix, looking deranged as ever – Azkaban really hadn't been kind to her – turned and fled, blocking a spell from Dumbledore as she went. She was halfway up the stairs now.

Next thing I knew, the warmth in my hand that was Harry's arm was gone. 'Harry – no!' I cried.

'SHE KILLED SIRIUS!' he bellowed. 'SHE KILLED HIM I'LL KILL HER!' And I couldn't argue with his logic. It seemed so right. In fact, I wanted nothing more than to help.

'Remus, stay where you are!' Dumbledore ordered as he swept up the stairs after the other two.

I sank to my knees, letting the grief take over.


End file.
